Challenge the Belated Third

Ahem. Sorry this is a bit late...the whole moving to Salt Lake thing, the going to DC thing, and the Christmas thing sort of slowed me down. Nevertheless...here you go...

The root of this challenge lies in the spelling of my nieces friends' name: Tailyr (pronounced Taylor). Every time I see her name in print I feel the small Tailyr knot in my stomach seize and get a little bit bigger...why spell it that way? This, of course, leads me to my next name-themed question: why name the child that at all? in reference to such stories as this or this. Granted, many of these are proven to be urban legends, but that still leaves us with the weird naming trends common these days. My new landlords name is Bliss. Among mine and my sisters' acquaintance alone there are children named Brynleigh, Boston, Lero, Kamlee, Kyson, Kamlyn, Tamlyn, Sway, Krew, Dansko, Honey, Hazen, and Ela. I have a family of distant cousins whose names are Angel, Bliss, Cupid and Dolly. My sister went to high school with a girl whose first name started with the letter of the word "heaven" that corresponded to her place within her family's line up of six kids. I'm not sure if that made grammatic sense. But you get the idea.

And so, I hereby issue the third challenge. The parameters are the same as the first two, but in addition to picking the next challenge, the winner will be awarded an additional prize, the likes of which have never before been seen throughout all the history of Aed the Whelpe. You have until Saturday, 17 January, at 10 pm.

Happy Thanksgiving and the Berlin Wall Challenge the 2nd is Over

The winner is Liz with 5 votes for her masterpiece collage "While the Rest Of Mankind Rejoiced".

Congratulations. I thought about deducting points because she posted her entry twice, but whatever, its cool.

We had a great Thanksgiving together with Ben, Rose's bro, and roasted a turkey in our toaster oven. It was cool and fun to do a Thanksgiving dinner without a real kitchen. (Toaster ovens and hot plates!) Yeah, we're awesome.

Anyways, Liz gets to choose the new challenge. I think everyone knows the rules, so tally-ho! We can open up participation if you want to a wider scale, but I'll leave that to Liz's discretion. See you in a couple weeks Liz.


-- Jordan

Thank you, Jordan

for the lovely commentary.

Question: who can vote? Actually, more to the point, can Sophie vote? She votes for Liz's.

Die Familie Berliner-Mauer: eine Geschichte

(This counts. Yes, it is a day late, but so was Spencer's last time and he ended up winning. So this does count.)

Berlin Wall Wedding

This is my PoMo illustration of the story. I think I should've made this dress for our wedding. Also, I put this together last week but was too tired after work last night to post it. So, still on deadline. Below is a close up of the figure.


And PS. I loved the ones posted already. They made me laugh a lot.

True Love Will Find You in the End, ÆD...

I'm obsessed with Photoshop.

I just accidentally published my post twice...

I hope that improves my chances of winning.

While the rest of mankind rejoiced...

While the rest of mankind rejoiced...

There's Something about a Wall

And the time of posting has come. I'll lead out with my sestina. It's repeating refrains are perfect for the marginally sane.

There's Something about a Wall

There is something about a wall.

It’s long and slim horizontal lines

Echo and repeat like a siren’s call.

Humpty dumpty had a great fall

But not even he, nor the kings and their kinds,

Knew that something about a wall.

Mortar and brick are far from all

that go into making the immortal signs

that echo and repeat like a siren’s call.

The Chinese built one, strong and tall,

But slave labor and grandiose designs

Don’t know anything about a wall.

Fences and halls? All falderal.

Where are the rhythm and tone that combines

To echo and repeat like a siren’s call.

From the cellar to the mall, in each load bearing wall,

There’s something that shines and kindly reminds

That there’s nothing quite like the Berlin wall

Which echoes and repeats like a siren’s call.

Challenge the Second

Now the new challenge with its parameters, etc. Ever since I read this story I have been obsessed with writing about it. Imagining some of those quiet moments of her 29 year marriage. Now's my chance. And your chance too!

As far as the parameters go, I think the previous ones will do. We have two weeks to make something--anything--creative based on the news story. You've probably all heard it, but you can take anything--the title, the events, a phrase from the article, anyone who was or must have been connected, anything--to base your creative work on. Post the results by Nov 10--which gives you a couple extra days on two weeks in case you don't check blogs on weekends. And why would you?

Happy creating.

I'm really excited about this.

Congratulations!!

To Spencer for winning the challenge.

As winner he gets to choose the next challenge, its parameters, etc.

Good luck and thanks to all the participants and voters.

Juicy Whip vs. Orange Bang: I Win Because this Is Awesome

The Balled of Juicy Whip vs. Orange Bang

Come along, Aed's, and hear a fine tale
of a battle Royale in the Breakfastnook vale.
On a shady, cool morn, as the clock ticked near two
there was quiet and silence... then a hulaballoo!

Along came a figure so young and so sleek
he frightened the lonely, the comely and meek.
He strode up with a smile, a birdie he flipped,
and he said with a shout, "they call me The Whip!"

Juicy whip was his name, and whipping he did
on each dairy-supplied drink that showed up on the grid.
Anything whipped, or frappe-d, or mixed with some milk
knew Whip would whip their finely whipped ilk.

So each yogurt drink, soy drink, and cafe au lait,
hunched up their skorts and turned right away.
They ran off in fear, when they heard those dread words,
"they call me the whip" sent them off like some birds.

But in Breakfastnook vale left behind in the sprawl,
stood one with dairy, looming silent and tall.
Rough and weary at the end of his chain,
Stood a lone breakfast drink, the bread called, Orange Bang!

Now, he was no youngin' with time on his side
but wrinkled and worn, without any pride.
But seeing the fear on his breakfast food chums,
he rankled at Whip,and stuck to his guns.

"Now git along, Whip," he said with a wheeze.
"There're no dairy here now, neither milk nor some cheese.
But even if there were, just what is it to you?
Who cares what folks choose for their own breakfast brew?"

Now whip didn't like that, didn't like it one bit,
so with nary a word he hocked out some spit
That flew through the air with a ring and a rang
and landed smack dab, on the nose of ol' Bang.

Squinting and wiping, Bang said with a growl,
"Now, that's enough, Whip," then he let out a howl.
Bang drew out his guns, Whip whipped his out too,
and the noise and the smoke and the shouting sounds grew.

And after the shots, and the silence and smoke,
Standing there on the table, was only one bloke
who proved to this day that, whatever you do,
calling Bang, Bang, is only too true.

Juicy Whip v. Orange Bang: I Win Because Nobody Else Cares

This is what I did for the little challenge. Whatever. Most likely no one will ever see it. I hope birds don't poop on your cars.

I don't think you'll like that one, it's based in the olden times. You like your Steven Seagals and your Chuck Norrises.

Yeah, I'know.

Well, what'll it be then?

That one.

I hereby issue a challenge... in accordance with the prophecy.

So, I was sitting in my Patent law class which is actually halfway interesting and we were discussing a case called Juicy Whip v. Orange Bang. The idea was that people had a patent on this juice dispenser that made it look like you were getting juice from a display on the counter when really you were getting it from a concentrate and water mixed on demand under the counter. The infringer tried to argue the patent was invalid because it was immoral. They, of course, lost. Anyway...

The challenge, if you dare, is this:

1) Take the name of the case, Juicy Whip v. Orange Bang and turn it into something. Make anything. Could be a story or a picture or a song or movie or outfit or recipe or whatever. Just turn it into something rad.

2) Take a photo or whatever of your creation and post in on the blog.

3) After the due date, we can all vote on which thing is raddest and then the winner can choose the next challenge.

4) The due date is... Tuesday 7 Oct. 2008. That's 2 weeks from today, so don't procrastinate.


So, I know everyone is extremely important and busy, (or self-important and lazy) but if you're looking for a creative outlet, here's something to do! Now don't be pansies and put this off, but have fun and do it.

Our mileage/Gas consumption/Where we stopped for Gas

This is an interesting list I'd like to share with all of you. Plus I'm tired of looking back at the Sydney Olympics.





That's a grand total of 2,935 miles. That's a long way. We got about 26.76 miles per gallon in a fully loaded car with two passengers, which isn't bad. We used more than 95 gallons of gas, but since I forgot to write down the fill up amount in Las Vegas and St. George, we'll never know exactly how much gas we used. I didn't keep track of how much we spent on gas because I didn't want to depress myself. Although I was glad that gas prices took a dive right before we left.

We're in our new apartment now, and will post pictures soon I hope. I've uploaded them from my camera to my external hard drive, which is the first step, so, yes.

Also if your ever in Mitchell, South Dakota there is an amazing place you need to stop and see. It's the World's Only Corn Palace. It is AMAZING. Be sure to check the web-cam to see what's going on there right now!

A look back at the Sydney Olympics...

I was talking with Kate's brother in law who insisted that something like this had happened... and it had. It's pretty funny and kind of sweet for the swimmer from Equitorial Guinea--a place with no swimming pools--to be the only one in his heat to not be disqualified and go on to beat his countries record time in the 100M.

I will pronkfully pronikify pronk

This made me laugh a lot. A whole lot.

Seriously

So, the BYU alumni association contacted me today and sent me this:

Dear Spencer Lincoln Green '05,

Work has begun on your 2009 Brigham Young University Alumni Directory, an invaluable tool in this world where building and maintaining a strong personal network has become essential.

Right now, a friend could be trying to reach you with the job offer of a lifetime, or a former classmate might wish to drop you an e-mail. The friend you've been thinking about, but never quite had the time to locate, could be within reach if your contact information were up to date in our records. So please take one minute to complete your one page profile now by clicking here.


Invaluable? A friend's trying to get me a job? Long lost friend? I've decided that the BYU alumni association is made up entirely of flamboyant drama queens.


PS. Everyone watch "Rocket Science" right now.

Brent Brown

So yesterday morning almost everyone in my neighborhood woke up to find flyers with this message printed on them left on their windshields. Naturally, I was outraged that such a travesty should occur in my own Orem and thought that I should notify you all so that we can all take action.

P.S. Brent Brown owns a large car dealership here, in case you didn't know...

And I quote:

Me and my family have been very terribly, wickedly and violently victimized by Brent Brown and now Brent Brown is unrighteously suing me for 150,000 dollars to conceal the truth about the violent crimes against me my wife and our child because I did tell the truth about him and his numerous felony crimes and his corruption. It was absolutely proven that Brent Brown did commit many felony crimes against me including submitting dozens of lies to the forth district court to conceal his crimes and explain away attempted murder. It was only after I did make complaints against Brent Brown for stalking and after I turned them in for fraud and then filed a complaint against them for tampering with the brakes on my car that they did hurry and run and tell lies and pretend they are being victimized so that nobody would believe the truth about the violent and numerous felony crimes they had committed.

These are the absolute facts so I pray to invoke the wrath of God on my head if I am not telling the exact truth. Brent Brown did commit or incite many violent felony crimes and did also incite others to commit many felony crimes against me my wife and our child including putting grease on the brakes of my car then going into court with a voice mail that said I had talked with Chrysler about the brake lock differential on my car locking up and they with the hlp of Chrysler corporation did attempt to explain away them putting grease on my brakes but in fact it was proven that the brakes did not malfunction and that grease was put on my brakes to cause a serious accident. Also proof of this as having the intention to possibly cause the death of a victim and even a child is that Brent Brown did fraudulently take information that was not relevant nor did it pertain and use it in a deceptive manner and tried to make it look as though I drive very fast so as to explain away that if I had gotten in a wreck and our child or someone else’s was killed they had already covered it with fraudulent information so as to cast doubt and conceal the truth of their involvement.

Brent Brown did refuse to take a polygraph or to allow any of his employees to take once concerning this. Brent Brown is guilty of attempted manslaughter of a victim and their child to conceal his many felony crimes and conceal his criminal business practices if he is not then why not take a polygraph concerning the lies he told in court the, attempted murder of a child to conceal felony crimes and the many counts of fraud including changing contracts adding fraudulent charges and defrauding people for repairs made even teenagers under the age of 18 by refusing to do warranty work then charging for repairs that should have been warranty and many many other frauds even so many I could never even write them but I must mention that Brent Brown did even rip off women who’s husbands had been at war fighting for our country as I just recently found out.

These are the absolute facts and unconditional truths there is no other truth so I testify in the name of God that Judge Mcdade did commit felony crimes on behalf of Brent Brown and did falsify court documents and did knowingly purposeless and intentionally commit perjury in the 4th district court to support Brent Brown in a corrupt and unrighteous manner because they could easily manipulate Judge Mcvey to support Brent Brown in a corrupt manner because Judge Mcvey (at the moment is kind of gay because he did let Satan manipulate him like a trashy woman) Judge Mcvey did also attend BYU and beyond that he was also military and they are using that knowledge to manipulate Judge Mcvey to unrighteously support Brent Brown and here is why. I am Mormon and I try to live a righteous life but because I did openly profess that I did study Islam and that I did understand that the concept of Islam is one of peace and not of war and that the belief of Islam is that it is unforgivable to oppress any man so as to withhold from him the way to live righteously and I did compare that the crimes and lets be honest about those crimes which are being committed by these Judges. They are exceedingly corrupt and felonious crimes that are only of the devil and these men are so weak that they serve Satan as one of Satans women such as Pam Hitt who is one of the biggest liars on earth and did commit felony perjury on behalf of Brent Brown also. I did testify honestly that this kind of corruption was responsible for sept 11th and it was. So now they try to turn an ex military Judge against me but I only fear God and God said if they sue you and take away your coat offer them your cloak also.

For all you Sexy Things

You might not want to watch this for too long... but you might want to watch it.

With the oncoming spring time, I find myself yet again regretting not purchasing that linen suit at Primark. This title is

a reference to an older blog found here.

I love the changing of the seasons, but perhaps the change from winter to spring is the most exciting of all. There are so many new things to see and new life to celebrate. DC is turning green, the cherry blossoms have come out, and it is once again pleasurable to sit in the sunshine and read. Right now I'm reading Far From the Madding Crowd the last of my Thomas Hardy novels I'll read for a while. So far I like it very much, not as much as Jude or Tess, but I think more than Return of the Native and maybe about as much as the Mayor of Casterbridge. Summer time also means more reading time.

If only I could do that reading on a Sunday afternoon under a large umbrella, sipping lemonade, wearing a linen suit. Even seersucker would do.

Aed, we may have to jam in the near future - in a mountain meadow perhaps... and later on, barbecue.

I still think this is a low estimate

39

Now we can

finally know. Or at least finally guesstimate with the aid of an online quiz made by someone. So, answer honestly and find out how many 5-year-olds you could take in a basketball court sized space.

Here are the rules of the fight they came up with:

This short survey will tell you approximately how many five year old children you could fight at once. Results are based on physical prowess, training, swarm-combatting experience, and the flexibility of your moral compass. Here are the ground rules:

* You are in an enclosed area roughly the size of a basketball court
* There are no weapons or foreign objects
* Everyone is wearing a cup (so no kicks to the groin)
* The children are merciless and will show no fear
* If a child is knocked unconscious, he is "out." The same goes for you.

A New and Exciting Milestone Approaches

Because I was bored and messing with some financial things wondering how much I spent per day etc, I found a new milestone. As of today, April 1, 2008, I have lived 9,535 days. This means that on Friday, July 10, 2009, I will have lived for 10,000 days. I think that there should be, no, there needs to be some kind of celebration on that day. Liz, you can celebrate too as you'll hit the 10,000 day mark on the 7th I think.

Anyway, we ought to do something. I don't know where people will be, but maybe I will wait to watch the movie 10,000BC on the day I turn 10,000 days old. I'm not really sure that would even be a good way to celebrate.

If you're interested, here is where I went to calculate it out. Pretty sweet.

Bored? Looking for something to do?

This isn't the most creative way I could go about doing this, but if you're looking for a way to kill some time

click here

I won't title this one

awesome, just awesome cause I don't think my last "awesome" post was widely considered so, but I will say that I think this is pretty damn enjoyable.

And while we're talking about Aed

I think I'll add this to the conversation.

Here's to Lizard Knight, Pencil Greens, and Jordi La Forde.

Love,
Bee Hives

We're not the only ones

to have started a band based on merits of fun rather than talent. I speak of course of the Really Terrible Orchestra. I think I should add my six months of cello lessons to Aed's skill set.

Awesome

Just awesome.

This morning

This was what was on my car this morning. Cool, huh?

A Disaster Averted, a Nation Calmed

This -


got stuck in my ear while I was pulling my headphones out of my skull. Quite dangerous if you ask me.

I wasn't exactly sure what to do, so I just left it in there for a while. Then I managed to get it out carefully with a mechanical pencil. Not the most sterile instrument around, but in situations like these, you've got to use what's handy. Like MacGyver.

Some Salve for our Lawyer friend

My favorite cousin showed me these guys, and this clip made me think that it could show a budding lawyer something he wouldn't learn in torts. Oh, and the last 20 seconds aren't all that awesome.

I'm so angry I could spit and curse...

There is no point in explaining why because it is boring and will only make me want to hock a loogey before I spit and add the ending "-ity" to all my curse words. That's an intensifier I made up. F- f- f-ity f-. It's sorta funny, but maybe not really.

Yeah, so I'm glad the VMOLAKSJGHPAOWIFJANLCKXPAANOABCDEFGHEIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ is planning a sweet party. I can't wait. No serious, I really can't.

Tomorrow I only have one class, so I'm going on vacation. Probably to the portrait gallery or the archives. Or maybe I'll just go home and play Mario soccer. Whatever. Booyah. I just wanted to say that. Booyah! Nobody says that anymore and it's a shame. Booyah-ity. That didn't work.

Pet Peeves

Saw this on McSweeney's and I thought it was pretty funny. I wish I could make a funny list of my pet peeves. Maybe I'll do that instead of doing my homework.

MY PET PEEVES.


BY DAN LIEBERT

- - - -

Women who breastfeed in public but then make a big show of hiding it as if I care.

Total strangers telling me what to do, especially square-dance callers.

Those pretentious phonies who say "pasta" instead of paste or "Boca Raton" instead of rat's mouth.

Itchy labels on bungee ankle straps so I itch the whole way down.

When my opera cape gets caught on homeless people's junk.

Waiters who recite the specials in a bored singsong voice as if they don't really care what I eat.

Bad art in motel rooms, especially bad performance art.

When a woman stands near me and people think her ugly baby is mine and it is.

Dentists who cram my mouth full and don't even ask me one question, though I've been practicing all year.

Big, conceited bodies of water, especially Lake Superior.

The depressing attractions at the Svenskfilmindustrie theme park, near Stockholm. (Actually, I may have dreamt this.)

When a can of cheap peas says "Pea Color and Size May Vary" and inside there's just one giant blue pea.

Halloween decorations in a hospice.

Distant calliope music at night tempting me to forget my duties and run off with the circus and to hell with her orgasm!

A "nature burger" with fake grill marks painted on it.

People who know way too much about the Merovingians or cheese.

Prank phone calls like the guy who called me selling light bulbs for the blind. Ha-ha. Very funny. You are sick, mister.

Barbecue restaurants with happy pigs on the sign.

Those foreign guys on the subway who pretend to read newspapers written in gibberish.

People on fire—they're always asking for favors, even if they hardly know you.

The way road signs talk to you in that stern, fatherly voice.

I never seem to meet those cheerful, uncomplicated women you see on tractor-trailer mud flaps.

When a lecturer takes a drink of water and doesn't offer us any.

I've been all over the world and have lived among every kind of culture and I can say, without any hesitation, that the most ignorant, rude, selfish, and self-centered people on earth are babies.

The Ultimate Role Play

Sir Toby Bliss, inebriate and lurcher, joins the wuthering, wuthering, wuthering throng

Sir Bliss Phurphington Cornelius de la Ruineur

Harpinceronee Gwendolyn Cavendish-Coppersbottom and
Theodosia Chandeloria Jaguar-Muesli-Bouffet

Lady Chrysanthemum Dijonnaise Edimame de la Plume and
Theodosia Chandeloria Jaguar-Muesli-Bouffet

A very sloshed Lady Elaine Fairchild

Lady Manny of Cheddar

two finely dressed ladies of unknown name

Sir Tertius Souvanblanc Minon and his lovely wife
Lady Chrysanthemum Dijonnaise Edimame de la Plume

Rose...of the Plumbers Love

Why we love Britain

Is not exemplified in this clip, but I thought you guys might enjoy it in a "holy hell! That can't be real" kind of way. You know the type.

The Yearly Dilemma

I don’t make goals. I don’t know what I would work for, and the danger that I would fail to meet them is too great. If you don’t try, you don’t fail. Better to have not loved at all than to have loved and lost, right? I am much too impatient to have long-term goals. Long term means that they stay unmet for a long time, which means that I get discouraged or bored or forgetful and give up.

So where does this leave me? I have made a mockery of New Years Resolutions for seven years now; as long as they rhyme then I repeat them regularly for a year, but without any sense of duty or even interest in upholding them.
Brand New 2002: a brand new year with a fresh start…what the crap does that mean?
Date-Free 2003: required literally no effort, just my usual anti-social behavior.
Date More 2004: one date was definitely more than none.
It’s My Life 2005: so back the #@%&* off and let me make my own decisions…again, that attitude didn’t require a noticeable change in me.
Visit Six 2006: yes, I rhymed six with six…the idea was to spend at least one week in six different countries. I had all of this travel planned and booked before the new year even started, so I can’t really call this a goal. And one trip fell through and I had to count the U.S. as one.
Get to Heaven 2007: the old “become a better person” cop out…failed obviously. The result of a rhyming shortage. Narrowly beat out “Eat bread with leaven 2007”.

And now I am faced with the dawn of yet another year and the quest for the perfect rhyme. Given past “goals” and recent conversations with friends, I briefly considered “Go on a date 2008” but that seemed a little ambitious. No need to get carried away in the euphoria of New Years festivities. Just kidding, there were no festivities. I’d spent all day on 31 December lifting heavy and bulky things in and out of trucks and maneuvering them up stairs, around corners, and down narrow hallways, then trying to talk my mother out of over-furnishing every room in her new house. Rather than being Rose’s date to a party that night, I went to bed early.

Sometimes I’m forced to admit that there may be something to this “paying attention to the counsel of Church leaders” thing. I seem to be regularly assaulted by “set goals and work toward them” lectures these days, so the other day I found myself contemplating what I expect and hope for 2008. There I was, skiing through some forested area at Bryce Canyon National Park. We’d set out on a groomed loop, but strayed off through the trees for a little while. It was getting dark and I was completely turned around. I have a lousy sense of direction. I think you all know this. Jordan and I wandered around Oxford for ages looking for a place that we’d walked past long before. And I would have been lost on the London Underground without Bess. (To preserve some dignity, the vain part of me wants to point out that sometimes my sense of direction is very good…just not lately) How embarrassing to spend so much time outdoors, and to have traveled to so many new places and still get turned around so easily! I’ve got to do something about this. In a flash, it came to me…NAVIGATE 2008! I will improve my sense of direction! I’m not sure how…maybe I will carry around a compass. Maybe I just need to spend more time outside; I’m sure that would help. Maybe whenever I go anywhere with any of you guys, you can practice abandoning me in various locations and forcing me to find my way back on my own. That sounds like so much fun.

This is not the real sequence of events and thoughts. I was enjoying the silence and the beautiful landscape; the contrast of the white snow on the red rocks. I was thinking about the last time I had been to Bryce, and things that had happened since. I was frustrated by the feeling that I’ve just been coasting for the past few years. I was physically sick at the thought of repeating statistics. I was tired of a lot of things in my life. But I was also excited about a lot of things. Then I realized that I didn’t know where we were or how to get back to the car and I was in the front of our little line. So, in my usual half-assed but grandiose manner, I arrived at Navigate 2008.

This is the year, guys. I will navigate my life literally and figuratively. This is the year I will really figure out what I’m doing. This is when I will take responsibility for my own life and make important decisions and lots of money. This is the year I will figure out exactly what I want to do in my future and take several significant steps toward it. By the end of 2008, I will be a happy, healthy, graduated, well-adjusted, driven, in-control, smoothly functioning, socially skilled, gainfully employed, attuned to direction, independently wealthy wonder and marvel. Absofrickinlutely.